Tuesday, 27 March 2007

confessions on the bucket-floor

O’Foxy glared at the ferociously sinful Fanny, trying to determine if it was worth her while telling the skanky one her story… The sickening stench of Fanny’s fanny *a.k.a the valley of death, as notoriously described in the Bible* blossomed hazardously around O’Foxy’s head and her mind immediately registered that Fanny was trying to charm her into rehashing her tedious history with her dashing twin brother O’Kyle.

“Why do you ask, o evilest-mingiest-skankiest one?” said O’Foxy teasing her out-of-control AFRO, yet at the same time batting her eyelashes at an incredible speed. She wasn’t half bad at the ‘charm game’ herself. “Just curious” Fanny whispered stroking the unconscious Princess P’s sweaty chin. Princess P moaned softly as Fanny draped herself on the stainless steel table covered in various medieval torture devices and some more recent… eh… supposed satisfaction…eh… gear. She fingered a bright pink object that looked surprisingly similar to an eggbeater, while staring longingly at the curvaceous chocolate cherub that is O’Foxy.

“So tell me…” Fanny’s throaty voice layered with mesmerizing tones “…why, oh why do you hate your brother so much?” O’Foxy’s pathetic excuse for resistance snapped like the time she lost her virginity to the delivery man who smiled at her... twice.

“O, alright I’ll tell you everything… everything I tell you!” she wailed stroking her generous bosom…

“Our parentals were responsible for the big bucket property boom of the 1940’s and made quite a killing out of the ignorance of the masses. Selling them overpriced and ridiculously unsafe houses at exorbitant prices… I… of course… took after them. But after their untimely death in the freak rollercoaster accident, they did NOT leave their entire fortune to me, their loveliest evil one…. NOOOOO…” O’Foxy’s eyes bulged a bit too much for Fanny and Fanny stared intently at the eggbeater, trying to ignore O’Foxy’s demented gaze. “NooooooOOOoooooo… they left the fortune equally split between my 4 siblings and I. So I decided to get rid of them like I got rid of my annoying parentals in the first place. After the police became suspicious of the numerous accidents in the OhMyGod residence I had to flee, leaving the soul survivor O’Kyle with the entire fortune. And to make matters worse, he does not care about money. He just wants to be with the bloody bucketeers, deliriously speaking of unity and peace. Bah Humbug! Bah! I tell you. I need him out of the way. I want that money… and I want it right now!” O’Foxy gasped for air, having said everything in one breath. Fanny couldn’t help but breathe with relieve… for a moment there she imagined O’Foxy was going to beat Fanny’s eggs with the pink monstrosity.

“Well, at least you are a girl with ambition” Fanny said, trying to think of a way to change the topic. “So how about those Red Sox?”

And at the same time across the bucketland
, a still distraught O’Kyle was handed a warm cup of ginger brandy. He was sitting in the cabinet of Leeloo Multipass’s zeppelin, his fellow bucketeers still in various stages of unconsciousness. In front of him stood the trusty and smiling Leeloo in his distinctive and somewhat notorious outfit… the black Converse sneakers, the red and white stripey bobbysocks, the black and extremely short hotpants, the faded Tori Amos “Boys for Pele” tour t-shirt, the red hat with the propeller at the top… O’Kyle felt nauseous again and had to stifle a distressed cry… Damn those hotpants were short!


Anonymous said...

oh no foxy!

partieweirdo said...