Tuesday, 27 March 2007

confessions on the bucket-floor

O’Foxy glared at the ferociously sinful Fanny, trying to determine if it was worth her while telling the skanky one her story… The sickening stench of Fanny’s fanny *a.k.a the valley of death, as notoriously described in the Bible* blossomed hazardously around O’Foxy’s head and her mind immediately registered that Fanny was trying to charm her into rehashing her tedious history with her dashing twin brother O’Kyle.

“Why do you ask, o evilest-mingiest-skankiest one?” said O’Foxy teasing her out-of-control AFRO, yet at the same time batting her eyelashes at an incredible speed. She wasn’t half bad at the ‘charm game’ herself. “Just curious” Fanny whispered stroking the unconscious Princess P’s sweaty chin. Princess P moaned softly as Fanny draped herself on the stainless steel table covered in various medieval torture devices and some more recent… eh… supposed satisfaction…eh… gear. She fingered a bright pink object that looked surprisingly similar to an eggbeater, while staring longingly at the curvaceous chocolate cherub that is O’Foxy.

“So tell me…” Fanny’s throaty voice layered with mesmerizing tones “…why, oh why do you hate your brother so much?” O’Foxy’s pathetic excuse for resistance snapped like the time she lost her virginity to the delivery man who smiled at her... twice.

“O, alright I’ll tell you everything… everything I tell you!” she wailed stroking her generous bosom…

“Our parentals were responsible for the big bucket property boom of the 1940’s and made quite a killing out of the ignorance of the masses. Selling them overpriced and ridiculously unsafe houses at exorbitant prices… I… of course… took after them. But after their untimely death in the freak rollercoaster accident, they did NOT leave their entire fortune to me, their loveliest evil one…. NOOOOO…” O’Foxy’s eyes bulged a bit too much for Fanny and Fanny stared intently at the eggbeater, trying to ignore O’Foxy’s demented gaze. “NooooooOOOoooooo… they left the fortune equally split between my 4 siblings and I. So I decided to get rid of them like I got rid of my annoying parentals in the first place. After the police became suspicious of the numerous accidents in the OhMyGod residence I had to flee, leaving the soul survivor O’Kyle with the entire fortune. And to make matters worse, he does not care about money. He just wants to be with the bloody bucketeers, deliriously speaking of unity and peace. Bah Humbug! Bah! I tell you. I need him out of the way. I want that money… and I want it right now!” O’Foxy gasped for air, having said everything in one breath. Fanny couldn’t help but breathe with relieve… for a moment there she imagined O’Foxy was going to beat Fanny’s eggs with the pink monstrosity.

“Well, at least you are a girl with ambition” Fanny said, trying to think of a way to change the topic. “So how about those Red Sox?”

And at the same time across the bucketland
, a still distraught O’Kyle was handed a warm cup of ginger brandy. He was sitting in the cabinet of Leeloo Multipass’s zeppelin, his fellow bucketeers still in various stages of unconsciousness. In front of him stood the trusty and smiling Leeloo in his distinctive and somewhat notorious outfit… the black Converse sneakers, the red and white stripey bobbysocks, the black and extremely short hotpants, the faded Tori Amos “Boys for Pele” tour t-shirt, the red hat with the propeller at the top… O’Kyle felt nauseous again and had to stifle a distressed cry… Damn those hotpants were short!

Tuesday, 20 March 2007

An evil scheme in the green...

Misty tried desperately to reach Pandemonia, but she could not be sure that she had succeeded. Behind the eyes of this evil green thing, she was powerless to save her friend. She had tried many times, since this hostile takeover of her body started, to reason with Fanny, but to no avail. She could only watch as Fanny did unmentionable things to her beloved Princess!

Fanny smirked at herself in the mirror. She could feel the Misty inside weeping and was for a moment overcome with undeniable sadness.. but that faded as soon as he remembered Pandemonia’s cries. She felt proud of what she had accomplished in such a short time. She had broken herself a Princess and devastated a nation by stealing their precious Rockchild. Her triumph over Misty was so thrilling that her blood started to boil. It was so exhilarating!

‘What are you so smug about?’ said a voice form the shadows. Fanny swung around, short skirt flailing and coming face to face with OhmygodImFoxy!

Fanny smiled. ‘So you’re Foxy!
‘That I am – and don’t you forget it, sugar!’
‘Sugar is sweet and nothing about me is in any way as you describe – Foxy’ Fanny looked her up and down, licking her lips as she said this.

Foxy seemed to like this, because she smiled and looked over at the unconscious Princess. ‘You seem to have had a rather fruitful morning’, she said - ginning wickedly.

‘That I have – Steff Gwenani’s orders’. She crossed the room so that she could see her fanny in the mirror from a distance. ‘Steff has quite a dubious plan for the Bucketeers. I wonder if her revenge on them will satisfy her. Will she not want more after she has completely destroyed them?’

‘Don’t you worry your skanky little fanny about that.. Miss Gwenani knows exactly what she is doing’. As an afterthought, Foxy said in a conspiratory tone: ‘ The Bucket World will never be the same after her evil plan has been carried out. And there will be no more Bucketeers to stop her’.

‘And she will use the both of us to exact her revenge and to get them out of the way.

I assume you know what she is planning’.

Foxy looked suspiciously at Fanny. ‘You know, Miss Gwenani told me to keep an eye on your voluptuous fanny, Fanny. She’s concerned that The Rockchild will find a way out of the mental cage we’ve trapped her in. As custodian of that body, you are responsible for keeping her spirit under control. DO NOT LET HER GET OUT!’

Fanny glared at her. ‘No chance of that, my dark little cherub. My plans for Misty are quite well set out. I will crush her spirit like a bug. She will never get out’.

Foxy came up close to Fanny, peering deep into her eyes. ‘I can see you in there Misty Rockchild’, she whispered, ‘don’t you get any ideas – I’m watching both of you’.

Fanny took a step back as Foxy’s gynormous cleavage pressed against her. ‘So, tell me’, she said trying to regain her composure, ‘why do you hate your brother OhmygoditsKyle! anyway?’

Tuesday, 13 March 2007

pOp goes the plan.

Aaaw, there lies the pretty pandeMonian princess in the Dungeon room of Doom, NAKED and desperate, strapped to a dirty pink Velcro wall in a generally displeased and irate state of frenzy.

“Oh, the destitution that a Princess must adhere to”.

Yes, (sigh) the curse of being powerfully erratic while at the same time so vulnerable……

and yet so lustfully aware of this mundane planets’ never ending endeavour to rid itself of pandeMonia. Ah Pity pity the princess pondered, her play time with this superficial nemesis is becoming rather tiresome; it was slightly amusing but simultaneously torturous all along,
up until that very moment:

That very moment pandeMonia arose to a super skanky horrid smell, and opened her eyes to gaze into this burst of green gunk with a flash of Sadomasochism! iSm ism
Ouch! Frantically confused by her attraction to this damned pile of sleez dripping on her senses,she shrugged a storm of disgust, yet still she couldn’t help but staring... Frightened, she sensed her skin started tingling and her breath got shallow while she was staring into the mounds that the slut keeps on flashing. Oh, disgrace!

Why, do I feel this way? I detest the sight my eyes behold and yet I cannot help to moisten at the sound of the whip lashing to the ground and lashing against the Velcro wall and lashing up uh AAAHH pain, PAIN while it’s lashing against my fucken thigh. Oh Glorious agony! How arousingly disgusted am I in those eyes scanning my nude arms and legs and naked flesh.. those creepy eyes! Those eyes that I cannot stop staring into, for some inexplicable saucy reason. WHAT? What is it? I have to penetrate the depths behind those dirty slutty eyelash battering eyes to feel what it is that is calling out my name in such a pleasurable sensation... and what is it behind those lips licking? Licking themselves and licking my thoughts, racking my brain and groping my mind to determine exactly what it is that I find so Mistyfying about this whorish creature? So dark and evil and magnetically irresistible:
Look, stare, gaze search: harder deeper faster, have to hear the voice, have to see the sight, have to feel the flesh of of aauh aawh, OH (wait a minute,

while I catch my breath from reaching this looong awaited {oh} climax of being! Melting with awe into the realisation of Misty! iSty isty
all the other thoughts and screams of sensation got lost in the instant wave of pandeMonian explosion of pleasure while time froze for a moment in the pastures of energy. Till she returned to catch her breath in order to purr:

My Misty it is only YOU who can bring me to orgasm through our psychedelic interlinked connection!”
and NOOO Psydeska i am YOUR mother! (though not even she could figure out where that came from)
“Oh Misty!, behold your hot bod in that tight white kitty smitten suit and press it against my nude strapped body to release me from this erotic torture chamber! Misty, why not even dark superficial voodoo magic could ever withhold our psychic bond, oozing with our very essence of bucket being!”

Well, well well, unfortunately the reject diva (aka Steff Punani oops Gwenani) did not take the psychedelic-interlinked-bucket-being-connection into consideration. Or pandeMonia’s super power, or even more importantly: Misty’s super duper power.. Now Super Evil Stef's superficial silly little voodoo magic trick was almost as inefficient as her weak bladder.

Pity pity the perky pop princess..