Monday, 2 July 2007

Then all of a sudden the princess was nowhere to be found? She probably had better things to do than to get sucked into the silly little bucket...

Monday, 28 May 2007

MUFFins of Mayhem

bzzzzzz - slap. bzzzzzz - slap. bzzzzzzz - slap, slap, slap. bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

"Will you stop that?!" hissed O with a look of scorn at OKyle "They will hear you"

OKyle glanced at O with a mournful look and whispered "These blood sucking snails are everywhere. It feels like I've emigrated a thousand of them into each of my orifices and there is no sign of them letting up. I can't take it anymore" he almost screamed.

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhh" O warned again, with venom

Truth be told the flying snails with their needle like teeth was starting to dissolve Osservatore's sanity. The anticoagulant that the little buggers carry in their saliva acted as a mind warping stimulant which, considering their uncanny knack for finding places that don't want to be found, induced fits of rage filled paranoia. i.e. they made any unwelcome visitor to her lowness' lair, become a noisy moving target.

aS IF WALKING THROUGH A PORTAL - Hieronymous signalled the party to - shut the fuck up! He pointed tentatively towards a dimly lit clearing that seperated the forest from ze WALL that shot up into the dark sky. O saw it first. He had heard tales of these creatures. Tales so grim that they shouldn't be told.....

A BeAsT, walking on 6 legs , was coming into view. At shoulder height it was 6feet (bucket feet are pretty big) tall. It was covered in jet black hair with sickly green patched of what looked like dead skin dotting its whole body. Out of each patch a blood red spike protruded, giving it the appearance of a hedgehog that had been plucked, yet not.

A long neck slithered out of its bulbous body. Massive eyes, belying its intelligence dominated its facial features. EyEs that were looking for THEM!!

In mid thought, everything froze. A silence like none other heard anywhere everywhere descended upon everything.

OKyle smiled a smile of LoVe! The Buzzing had stopped! !!!!!!!!

He had met the one thing that could make a ludicrously loud, bloodsucking, paranormalic activity incuding sluggish fly, quiver in its TinY LiTTle bOOts.

He looked over to share his joy and thought - oFuck o Fell!@#............

The last thing that went through osservatore dela gente's mind before his panick induced hissy fit led him through a black hole into unchartered waters was "chocolate chip muffin", the smell of which filled his olfactory cavity with a decadent bitch slap !:!:!:!:!

The first thing he thought on his entry back into the bucket realm was - "WOWnesS - I've never had anything so delectable in my entiRe Existencial existence." the second was "Where is Psydeska? Where is that bugggggg?"

Friday, 18 May 2007

A room with a view

(Enter Lee-Lu Multipass.)

Lee-Lu sat waiting patiently. He looked at the Bucketeers, holding a tray with cups and a Teapot. He placed it down on a small table and began to pour the tea contemplatively when everyone sat down - trying very hard not to gawk at his scandalously short hot-pants and funny hat.

‘Here my friends, please have something to refresh yourself with’, he saidwith his wise and raspy voice. There was an air of deep contemplation around him and you sort of got the impression that here was a magical little man of unnatural descent.

When he had finished passing the tea around, he motioned for them to follow him.

At the Heart of the Zeplin was a room made completely of glass. There was a dome plate in the middle of the room, from which you could look down to see everything below - for miles and miles. The Zeplin was proceeding slowly over mountainous range of deep canyons. Lee-Lu sat down flat at the plate and urged the Bucketeers to do the same.

The minute they all found their seats, a ripple passed through the plate, which was slowly becoming opaque. ‘Look into the Bucket, my friends, and it will give you the answers you seek. I have seen it all and have felt the disturbance long before Steff Gwenani ever made her assault on our beloved companions’.

OhKyle! Looked stunned. ‘Then why didn’t you DO anything to stop her!?!’

Lee-Lu smiled patiently and knowingly.

‘Oh but I have, my friend…. I have started weaving the Story of Resolution – a thin spell that will restore the order and repair the penetrated Bucket wall.’

He grinned the grin of a thousand self-satisfactions.

‘Besides, you already have The Key’, he said, smiling at Psydeska.

‘I will be able to take you as far as the forest surrounding Steff Gwenani’s Castle, but you must proceed from there on foot’.

The Bucketeers contemplated this while sipping their tea.

Suddenly a loud screeching broke their silence and the Bucketeers see a flock of winged creatures approaching fast..

Tuesday, 27 March 2007

confessions on the bucket-floor

O’Foxy glared at the ferociously sinful Fanny, trying to determine if it was worth her while telling the skanky one her story… The sickening stench of Fanny’s fanny *a.k.a the valley of death, as notoriously described in the Bible* blossomed hazardously around O’Foxy’s head and her mind immediately registered that Fanny was trying to charm her into rehashing her tedious history with her dashing twin brother O’Kyle.

“Why do you ask, o evilest-mingiest-skankiest one?” said O’Foxy teasing her out-of-control AFRO, yet at the same time batting her eyelashes at an incredible speed. She wasn’t half bad at the ‘charm game’ herself. “Just curious” Fanny whispered stroking the unconscious Princess P’s sweaty chin. Princess P moaned softly as Fanny draped herself on the stainless steel table covered in various medieval torture devices and some more recent… eh… supposed satisfaction…eh… gear. She fingered a bright pink object that looked surprisingly similar to an eggbeater, while staring longingly at the curvaceous chocolate cherub that is O’Foxy.

“So tell me…” Fanny’s throaty voice layered with mesmerizing tones “…why, oh why do you hate your brother so much?” O’Foxy’s pathetic excuse for resistance snapped like the time she lost her virginity to the delivery man who smiled at her... twice.

“O, alright I’ll tell you everything… everything I tell you!” she wailed stroking her generous bosom…

“Our parentals were responsible for the big bucket property boom of the 1940’s and made quite a killing out of the ignorance of the masses. Selling them overpriced and ridiculously unsafe houses at exorbitant prices… I… of course… took after them. But after their untimely death in the freak rollercoaster accident, they did NOT leave their entire fortune to me, their loveliest evil one…. NOOOOO…” O’Foxy’s eyes bulged a bit too much for Fanny and Fanny stared intently at the eggbeater, trying to ignore O’Foxy’s demented gaze. “NooooooOOOoooooo… they left the fortune equally split between my 4 siblings and I. So I decided to get rid of them like I got rid of my annoying parentals in the first place. After the police became suspicious of the numerous accidents in the OhMyGod residence I had to flee, leaving the soul survivor O’Kyle with the entire fortune. And to make matters worse, he does not care about money. He just wants to be with the bloody bucketeers, deliriously speaking of unity and peace. Bah Humbug! Bah! I tell you. I need him out of the way. I want that money… and I want it right now!” O’Foxy gasped for air, having said everything in one breath. Fanny couldn’t help but breathe with relieve… for a moment there she imagined O’Foxy was going to beat Fanny’s eggs with the pink monstrosity.

“Well, at least you are a girl with ambition” Fanny said, trying to think of a way to change the topic. “So how about those Red Sox?”

And at the same time across the bucketland
, a still distraught O’Kyle was handed a warm cup of ginger brandy. He was sitting in the cabinet of Leeloo Multipass’s zeppelin, his fellow bucketeers still in various stages of unconsciousness. In front of him stood the trusty and smiling Leeloo in his distinctive and somewhat notorious outfit… the black Converse sneakers, the red and white stripey bobbysocks, the black and extremely short hotpants, the faded Tori Amos “Boys for Pele” tour t-shirt, the red hat with the propeller at the top… O’Kyle felt nauseous again and had to stifle a distressed cry… Damn those hotpants were short!

Tuesday, 20 March 2007

An evil scheme in the green...

Misty tried desperately to reach Pandemonia, but she could not be sure that she had succeeded. Behind the eyes of this evil green thing, she was powerless to save her friend. She had tried many times, since this hostile takeover of her body started, to reason with Fanny, but to no avail. She could only watch as Fanny did unmentionable things to her beloved Princess!

Fanny smirked at herself in the mirror. She could feel the Misty inside weeping and was for a moment overcome with undeniable sadness.. but that faded as soon as he remembered Pandemonia’s cries. She felt proud of what she had accomplished in such a short time. She had broken herself a Princess and devastated a nation by stealing their precious Rockchild. Her triumph over Misty was so thrilling that her blood started to boil. It was so exhilarating!

‘What are you so smug about?’ said a voice form the shadows. Fanny swung around, short skirt flailing and coming face to face with OhmygodImFoxy!

Fanny smiled. ‘So you’re Foxy!
‘That I am – and don’t you forget it, sugar!’
‘Sugar is sweet and nothing about me is in any way as you describe – Foxy’ Fanny looked her up and down, licking her lips as she said this.

Foxy seemed to like this, because she smiled and looked over at the unconscious Princess. ‘You seem to have had a rather fruitful morning’, she said - ginning wickedly.

‘That I have – Steff Gwenani’s orders’. She crossed the room so that she could see her fanny in the mirror from a distance. ‘Steff has quite a dubious plan for the Bucketeers. I wonder if her revenge on them will satisfy her. Will she not want more after she has completely destroyed them?’

‘Don’t you worry your skanky little fanny about that.. Miss Gwenani knows exactly what she is doing’. As an afterthought, Foxy said in a conspiratory tone: ‘ The Bucket World will never be the same after her evil plan has been carried out. And there will be no more Bucketeers to stop her’.

‘And she will use the both of us to exact her revenge and to get them out of the way.

I assume you know what she is planning’.

Foxy looked suspiciously at Fanny. ‘You know, Miss Gwenani told me to keep an eye on your voluptuous fanny, Fanny. She’s concerned that The Rockchild will find a way out of the mental cage we’ve trapped her in. As custodian of that body, you are responsible for keeping her spirit under control. DO NOT LET HER GET OUT!’

Fanny glared at her. ‘No chance of that, my dark little cherub. My plans for Misty are quite well set out. I will crush her spirit like a bug. She will never get out’.

Foxy came up close to Fanny, peering deep into her eyes. ‘I can see you in there Misty Rockchild’, she whispered, ‘don’t you get any ideas – I’m watching both of you’.

Fanny took a step back as Foxy’s gynormous cleavage pressed against her. ‘So, tell me’, she said trying to regain her composure, ‘why do you hate your brother OhmygoditsKyle! anyway?’

Tuesday, 13 March 2007

pOp goes the plan.

Aaaw, there lies the pretty pandeMonian princess in the Dungeon room of Doom, NAKED and desperate, strapped to a dirty pink Velcro wall in a generally displeased and irate state of frenzy.

“Oh, the destitution that a Princess must adhere to”.

Yes, (sigh) the curse of being powerfully erratic while at the same time so vulnerable……

and yet so lustfully aware of this mundane planets’ never ending endeavour to rid itself of pandeMonia. Ah Pity pity the princess pondered, her play time with this superficial nemesis is becoming rather tiresome; it was slightly amusing but simultaneously torturous all along,
up until that very moment:

That very moment pandeMonia arose to a super skanky horrid smell, and opened her eyes to gaze into this burst of green gunk with a flash of Sadomasochism! iSm ism
Ouch! Frantically confused by her attraction to this damned pile of sleez dripping on her senses,she shrugged a storm of disgust, yet still she couldn’t help but staring... Frightened, she sensed her skin started tingling and her breath got shallow while she was staring into the mounds that the slut keeps on flashing. Oh, disgrace!

Why, do I feel this way? I detest the sight my eyes behold and yet I cannot help to moisten at the sound of the whip lashing to the ground and lashing against the Velcro wall and lashing up uh AAAHH pain, PAIN while it’s lashing against my fucken thigh. Oh Glorious agony! How arousingly disgusted am I in those eyes scanning my nude arms and legs and naked flesh.. those creepy eyes! Those eyes that I cannot stop staring into, for some inexplicable saucy reason. WHAT? What is it? I have to penetrate the depths behind those dirty slutty eyelash battering eyes to feel what it is that is calling out my name in such a pleasurable sensation... and what is it behind those lips licking? Licking themselves and licking my thoughts, racking my brain and groping my mind to determine exactly what it is that I find so Mistyfying about this whorish creature? So dark and evil and magnetically irresistible:
Look, stare, gaze search: harder deeper faster, have to hear the voice, have to see the sight, have to feel the flesh of of aauh aawh, OH (wait a minute,

while I catch my breath from reaching this looong awaited {oh} climax of being! Melting with awe into the realisation of Misty! iSty isty
all the other thoughts and screams of sensation got lost in the instant wave of pandeMonian explosion of pleasure while time froze for a moment in the pastures of energy. Till she returned to catch her breath in order to purr:

My Misty it is only YOU who can bring me to orgasm through our psychedelic interlinked connection!”
and NOOO Psydeska i am YOUR mother! (though not even she could figure out where that came from)
“Oh Misty!, behold your hot bod in that tight white kitty smitten suit and press it against my nude strapped body to release me from this erotic torture chamber! Misty, why not even dark superficial voodoo magic could ever withhold our psychic bond, oozing with our very essence of bucket being!”

Well, well well, unfortunately the reject diva (aka Steff Punani oops Gwenani) did not take the psychedelic-interlinked-bucket-being-connection into consideration. Or pandeMonia’s super power, or even more importantly: Misty’s super duper power.. Now Super Evil Stef's superficial silly little voodoo magic trick was almost as inefficient as her weak bladder.

Pity pity the perky pop princess..

Sunday, 11 February 2007

Doom and gloom with a touch of perfume

"Ok - Backtrack - I'm confused. How did things get out of hand, so quickly?" sighed O as he flopped down on Misty's Cloud 9 bed. "One moment we were careening off a cliff, almost juicing an old lady in the process and the next I was jolted into reality by that Green Monster Thingy that has taken over Misty's body. Fuck that smell. It just won't go away and every time I catch a whiff my toes become sticky. Yuk"
OKyle who had been lulled from his fit by the Vicodine that Hieronymous had forcefully injected into his tit, turned around lazily pinching his right nipple. He smile and slapped himself across the face. Grinning he slurred "Noooo Paiiin" and slapped himself again.
Suddenly, in a flash of fur, Hieronymous came charging into the room, overstepping his mark and landing on a beautiful, if somewhat gay Persian rug, the effect of which saw him crashing into Misty's table of vanity, sending perfumes, powders and creams flying across the room. As soon as he came to a crashing halt he was on all fours again, panting his warning. "ZOMBiE NaTioN!!"
OKyle slapped himself one more time and as if by magic or the wizardry of the clap-on-clap-off light, the entire mansion was abruptly shrouded in darkness. A shriek floated up from the stairs below, as a servant met her untimely fate. In the seconds that followed from shriek to chaos, a hollow silence filled the air. A hollow silence, literally shattered by a thousand shards of glass catapulted into empty spaces, as a dust ridden voice proclaimed its intentions. "IN THE NAME OF THOSE WHO HAVE FALLEN AND THE NAME OF THOSE WHO STOOD UP, I COMMAND THE - SURRENDER" the voice echoed through the massive halls of Misty's home. Like an explosion it stunned every living thing in its path, pushing the bucketeers into their own minds.
OKyle was the first to open his eyes seeing as the Vicodine had numbed his sensory receptors considerably. He had no recollection however, of where he was or how he had gotten there, yet a throbbing sensation across his face and a loud ringing in his ears, gave him the clues to realize that something was not right. Turning his head, his heart did a somersault as a ghostlike apparition floated on the horizon. Hieronymous was struggling to find his feet at an opposite corner of the spacious room creating an illusion of death. O too had regained consciousness. He tried standing, but found the prospect a bit much for his balance impaired limbs and landed with a thud on the floor.
OKyle turned his head and this time his heart froze solid for what he saw was no illusion, yet only in tales and fables could such a thing exist. A man, or at least what was left of him, was staring at him intently. His skin was to put it quite simply, just not there, yet he was alive and animate, grinning with delight.
A feeling of absolute fucked up stab yourself in the foot terror sparked in the base of OKyle's spine and as it erupted like a super volcano through his body his conscious mind gave way to something he had never felt before. Something so powerful that it launched itself from his lips in the most highly pitched girlscout scream of his life. As he wailed he could feel gravity release him from her eternal grip and in an instant everything that was real was no more...

From the floor where he had come to a sudden halt, O had the weird sensation. His hairs were standing on end, or were they? He could not tell exactly. When he heard the scream he looked up to see where it had come from. At that moment he was jerked towards the ceiling. Expecting to hit the roof he covered his head with his hands. In a flash everything was silent. It felt like he was under water, yet he could breathe and there was no moisture. Slowly he opened his eyes and to his utter amazement, he was floating high above the bucket world. He looked around and could see that Psydeska, Hieronymous and OKyle were with him, yet somehow all of them were different. Like they were made up of a billion tiny bubbles that cast a halo of light around them.

After a second of admiration it became apparent that the bucketeers were floating in some sort of capsule, which had now begun to move in a very speedy fashion back down to the very solid ground below. A moment of panic seized O's mind, causing him to flash back to the only person he had ever loved. The vision did not last, because when he opened his eyes, he was lying on his back looking up at an old friend. He smiled and as was his custom, he chucked the last thing he ate onto the floor and passed out, floating once again with the man of his dreams.

Monday, 5 February 2007

the days of our bucket

A stunned silence followed Misty’s abrupt disappearance. Just as suddenly O’Kyle started to scream like a teenage trailertrash chick losing her virginity at a Kid Rock concert, while being on acid. It was quite a sight to behold. O was simply staring at the big cavernous hole in the ceiling, silently clutching his pearls, while Psy was nibbling on Hierynomous’s tail. It was all too much for the poor bucketeers. If only they knew that at that very moment General DeadasHell was giving his masked troops the go-ahead to enter the empty palace. Empty simply because the blissful presence of Misty Rockchild was filling the air no more. And as O’Kyle’s bitter sobs echoed through the dark passages, the childlike men entered through the steel gates…

The troop commander, a man named Pubert deVille-Milton III, took his gasmask off silently… almost like a ghost. He and his troops have been dead since the 1940’s and as Zombies have been in the service of various demented schemers and wannabe world dominators. Pubert was a man… eh… zombie of great patience, but under the command of the wicked Stef Gwenani he has grown tired of following these fools’ stupid and extremely elaborate plans. He had plans of his own. And nobody was gonna stop him. Not even Stef. A worm crawled across the rotting flesh of his face and Pubert absentmindedly slurped it into his mouth. Tired. So tired… he thought as the slightly salty worm escaped through the gaping hole in his throat. The bucketeers and the idiotic Stef Gwenani were gonna pay for all the pain he and his troops have experienced over the past 70 years. Yes… pay…

5 minutes earlier: Across the Bucketland, an exhausted Princess P opened her eyes only to see the treacherous O'Foxy. But something was wrong… why did she have such a leering smile on her face? And why… oh dear god why… was she picking up this week’s issue of Heat Magazine? And is that… that (NOOOOOOOOoooooO!) a copy of Bucket Enquirer as well? Princess P started to sob as O'Foxy started to read long and insipid passages from both these magazines until P thought she would rather surrender than listen ANY LONGER to the story of 17 year old Billy-Bob from Bucketarnsa who married his half-sister’s 97 year old grandma , only to dump her for her great-grandson. And then…dear Mohammed… to loose his left foot, leaving him incapable of having a normal sex life. It was too much and P had to stifle a broken cry into the pink fluffy cuffs…


And suddenly there was a green light and O'Foxy's drone paused. Princess P squinted thru the harsh glare only to see her beloved Misty stepping into the room. But again something was wrong (DAMNIT!), why was she clutching her fanny? And why... oh why dear Tom Cruise, master of the scientology universe... is she holding a whip in her hand?

Fanny of DOOM!

‘Where is your Mistress?’ O demanded from the fuzzy monkey thing that stormed out to meet them.

Hieronymous looked deeply troubled and he beckoned for the O, Ohmygodit’sKyle! and Psydeska to follow him up the winding staircase.

When they reached Misty’s private chambers, Hieronymous -the fuzzy monkey thing hesitated.. ‘She’s in there’, he said, already running in the opposite direction.

O-Kyle! Wasted no time bursting in. From where they were standing, they were met with a gruesome sight!

Standing in front of a mirror – checking herself out – was Misty…. Or was it?

I knew you would come’ she said with a scowl on her face.

Suddenly she keeled over and screamed: ‘HELP! Something as taken over my body! It’s not me! Don’t listen to her!!!’

The others were horrified as Misty transformed in front of their eyes.

‘Misty!’ cried O. What looked like a green cloud was enveloping Misty and she was seizing all over. The screaming was unbearable, it sounded so painful! O-Kyle! Ran to her, but was knocked onto the floor instantly.

Then suddenly – there was silence. Misty lay on the floor, a green steam coming off her body. Just as suddenly she jumped up and started laughing hysterically.

Everyone could see that it was no longer the same Misty.

‘You stupid insignificUnt losers! Your pretty little Misty is no more!


‘What have you done to her!’ demanded O.

The not-Misty sneered and let out a howl – ‘I am the Fanny Flasher! And I have taken possession of this body! Try and stop me suckers! Your Misty is no more!’

‘Fanny Flasher? What kind of a name is that?’ O-Kyle! wanted to know.

‘I am the evil spirit of all that is skanky and impure! Feel my wrath!’ she screamed as she turned around, bending over and lifting up her already too short skirt – flashing her fanny at them!

‘Nnnoooooo-ooooooo! It’s too horrible!’ Hieronymous yelled. He had just reappeared out of nowhere. ‘Give us back our Rockchild!’

Fanny Flasher laughed maniacally again and jumped up into the air – disappearing in a cloud of green steam. The Misty Mountains glowed a sickeningly green glow.

Meanwhile – back at the Secret Underground Facility of Doom…

‘Who’s there!’ demanded Steff Gwenani.

‘It’s only me’ Fanny said with a victorious smile. ‘Our diabolically evil plan worked!’

They shared a long drawn-out spot of evil laughter as Steff led Fanny down to the Dungeon Room of Doom. Upon opening the door, Fanny smiled an evil little smile, seeing Pandemonia all strapped to the wall.

‘Let the fun begin’ she said with a nasty green glimmer in her eye, walking towards the struggling Princess, licking her lips in anticipation...

Thursday, 25 January 2007

A vision of Genital proportions ?!?!?!?!?!?

Floating on a cloud of Tiramisu, O had the queer sensation that something was about to go horribly wrong. The hair in his ears started to vibrate and his left foot felt like he had just stepped in a big pile of pig shit with the yukky sensation of gooful moisture between his toes.

He had, had this feeling before and knew instinctively that he was nowhere near his body. An observer of people and things, he'd mastered the art of astral traveling centuries ago and in that instant he knew that he was dreaming. Willingly leaving his body was great for spying on delectable morsels of male and even occasionally female forms of life, yet some of his most important and disturbing visions had come to him while he was under sleep's dangerously deceitful spell. So it had been with the creation of the DODGY CHICKEN PIE that had threatened and nearly destroyed the bucket and its inhabitants through anal discharge a 1001 years ago and so it was now.

It started with a sweet smell of lilac and wood shavings. He sniffed the air and as he turned his head to follow the scent, he was knocked off of the airborne pudding he'd been sitting on. Like a bolt of lightning straight to the nose the vision slapped him back into his body and momentary consciousness. Choking on his own snot and that smell, he started awake and wailed at the top of his lungs. FAAAAANNNNNNNNYYYYYYYY!!!!???????!!!?!? After which he puked in OmGiK's lap.

Traveling at an atrociously high speed the Not So Pink Anymore Especially On The Inside Polka Dot Ferrari promptly left the road and came to a screeching halt in an old upside down tree precariously perched at the edge of a cliff. The tree moaned its complaint and retaliated with a spot of whiplash and down into the depths the car and its occupants went.

Inside the car the cherry jelly safety device deployed rendering the inhabitants in suspended animation safe from harms way. As they were falling, OmGiK thought "Fuck, not another one" and when the they finally slammed through a double storey roof and came to an exploding stop on a little old lady's kitchen table in the valley below, the occupants were promptly ejected like a bottle of HoSe' from an upset stomach....

OmGiK was on his feet in an instant and was about to slap O silly, when he saw her. A smile lightened his face and he could not help but giggle. There she was, with her spoon of porridge frozen halfway to her open mouth staring at them in utter shock and disbelief. The hilarity of the situation did not reach her, but in a matter of seconds OmGiK was on his back cackling like a rooster who had just gotten laid. Little did he and the others know that their apparent misfortune had saved them from a the same fate as their Princess.

As he struggled erect through waves of nausea, O had a flashback of that terrible sight. This time Misty's scent was mixed with the other and he knew that theirs would be a fight to end all fights.......

Wednesday, 24 January 2007

Are you my sister?

One oversized questionmark blocked PsyDesKa?'s view. She had no idea what was going on.
The last thing she remembered was being dragged from the Five-dollar temple by the Hirosuko girls.
She had been warned against them, but they were perfect for her quest. She had 108 sins to work her way through, and she didn't even know what half of them were. When three of the Hirosuko girls came to her bed one night and giggled: "彼女たちのすしを食べた下さい", PsyDesKa? knew that they were the girl scouts that she'd been looking for. And after a finger-lickin' good initiation ceremony, she became a Hirosuko girl.
all this reminiscing still didn't explain to her why she was dragged out of..
(..a bucket?)
dragged from where she was and how she got to..
where she was now.
It also didn't explain why she was sitting on the lap of someone who was wearing a mad grinnnn and not much else. She had to ask him..

Tuesday, 23 January 2007

ze voodoo magick

“The spell worked”

A small yet very smug smile was tucking at the corners of Stef Gwenani’s slightly skew mouth. “My delectably evil plans for the bucketeers are ALL falling in place and there is nothing they can do about it!” She giggled manically. Her frenzied giggle rapidly turned into a whorish cackle and for a moment she had to stop. Turning as inconspicuously as she could, she quickly checked in the mirror to see if she actually peed herself.

“Thank Mariah Carey! I’m clean!” she mumbled as O’Foxy entered the lavish room.

“Who’s clean?” O’Foxy asked only to shrink back against the wall as Stef gave her a death stare. “eh... Mariah’s 7th clone is finally clean…eh… ” suddenly not so confident anymore, she mumbles “…you know…hmmm... Mariah has been replaced 6 times before, it’s all those slutty heels, the clones are always falling off the stage, and the 7th clone has finally gone off the painkillers…uh... never you mind anyway O’Foxy… how are we doing with the experiment?”

“Nearly there Miss Gwenani… nearly there. We only need the dried up tongue of Celine Dion and the toenail clippings of Hillary Clinton and we will be able to complete the final stage of our plan”

“Good!” Stef whispered as she stroked the corpse of Celine Dion, still clutching her oversized chin in an eternally horrific scream (or was that just a last note?) hung against the wall to dry out. “Her voice will go on... And what have you heard from Commander DeadasHell?”

“Everything is set. Only 5 more minutes before my foolish brother and his friends drive straight into our trap. The rest of his troop has surrounded the Misty Castle and as you know the spell has worked on that idiotic Misty Rockchild. That subconscious skanky 2nd personality you have created with the dark voodoo magick, will take her place in Misty’s mind and the real Misty will be lost forever!”

Both evil nemeses snorted with delight, only to stop at the same time. Weak bladders were obviously a problem for slappers with world domination schemes… tut tut…

Thursday, 18 January 2007

The stranger behind my eyes.

Misty felt Pandemonia’s whimpering cry echo through the very core of her being. Khe-kah! She cried out again – miserably. She crossed the large room, making for the window. There was something Desperate in Pandemonia's cry.....

Pandemonia and Misty had been psycodelically linked ever since they had come out of the bucket.

Misty knew that their respective destinies were somehow intertwined and that it would one day be revealed to them.

The Rockchild Mountain Citadel was located high up in the Misty Mountains, protected by all sorts of mountain dwellers. As Misty gazed out of the window, a fuzzy mountain monkey appeared before her. “You summoned me Child of the Mountain?” he squeaked. “Hieronymus – I wish to know the identity of the one who dared take the Princess from us”. “Mistress, there have been rumours up and down the mountain of sightings of Stef Gwenani and whispers of a strange but vicious associate known only as Foxy”.

Misty gazed off into to mist as she tried to recall what she knew of these creatures. She remembered that Stef Gwenani had tried to climb into the bucket once and that it had rejected her.

“Undoubtedly, these villains have been introduced to supply us with a foe to meet in battle, which will eventually lead up to a battle of epic proportions!”.

“Undoubtedly Mistress”.

“Hieronymus, I feel danger approaching…. Will you go and look?

And keep an eye out for our friends – I can feel that they are close too”.

“I will Mistress”.

Left alone with her unsettling feelings, she had an even more unsettling feeling in the pit of her_



“Danger! Danger approaches!”

Misty gazed out of the window and saw a large group of dark, cloaked individuals come up the mountain pass. They looked as though they were wearing gas masks and they were running in a straight line, looking very intent on reaching the top of the mountain in a hurry.



“Prepare for an invasion – and make sure our friends get here safely”.

Without a moment to lose, Misty went to her bedroom to suit up in a tight-fitting, white body suit. She was going to be ready…

“Ow!” She cried as another sharp pain shook her to the ground. Crouching on the floor in front of the mirror, she felt the presence of another… a stranger… yet somehow familiar… “Fanny Flasher!” she exclaimed, loudly, before passing out.

Wednesday, 17 January 2007

Meanwhile, while being trapped and tortured...

PandeMonia (that's PRINCESS to you, boy) was dripping with anticipating pleasure...

"Oh, yes!, -pleasant pause -YEAH baby -heaving breaths- OH Girls...I'm com aah, -moans & groans- aaahh

I'm going to come now.... "

(Anti Climax)

"NOOOOO! Why cant you just let me ORGASM!" O gasm gasm gasm.. (The princess's outcries echoed through the gloomy chambers)

"You keep on stimulating me up until that very point of pleaSURE, -pause to accentuate PLEASURE- just to let me hang here against this hot pink wall and EVERY time you leave me with......NOTHING!"

"This is torture!"

"That is exactly what it is meant to be" - The Princess looked up only to stare into the cold, cruel eyes of the evil master mind behind her kidnapping. "Oh shut the fuck up Steff Punani - or whatever you call your stupid cloned cunt these days!" (The princess is quite obviously fuming now)

"Now, Now Princess: don't wrinkle your panties"

"OFoxy, why don't you just SLAP her again!

and YOU, -breathes deeply to fill her lungs, for she is about to scream them out-

YOU whore: Cant you see that: I AM NOT WEARING ANY PANTIES! "

oH, how the Princess was whimpering and longing for her very misterious Misty...she past out from exhaustion while her thoughts were still echoing through the lusty gloomy chambers of her evil capturer..... Misty Misty Misty isty sty y yee

Tuesday, 16 January 2007

E! ze Bucket

Skreech! Bang! "OhMyGodItsKyle" O yelped as he landed on the hood of the Polka dot Ferrari.

He hadn't seen the headlights burning around the bend of the Misty pass on descent from his last jump and seeing as OKyle was eyeing himself in his rearview mirror; the sudden appearance of O came as a shock to his slightly intoxicated and overly jumpy nerves. He slammed on the brakes sending O and the girl on his back flying into the night. Luckily a bubblegum shroom cushioned their fall and as they rolled off of the sticky fungus, OKyle appeared out of the mist like an Oompaloompa on crack.

"What the fuck were you thinking? I almost peed my pants" he screamed as O rose to his feet
"Sorry doll, I didn't see you. I've been jumping all night and the mist is so thick" O replied
"Yes I know. It’s the Rockchild. Her pain causes it"
"Misty!" exclaimed O remembering the reason for all the hopping. "What happened to her tonight? I had this horrible vision...."
"It’s Pandemonia. She's gone" said OKyle, with a trembling voice
"Gone?! But...but how?"
"I'm not sure, but I'll bet my rhinestone encrusted whip that, that super bitch Stef Gwenani is behind this. She's the only being wicked enough to forge such a horror"
"Stef who?"
"You know. Stef Gwenani. The evil second rate clone of the Goddess of Pop Culture, Gwen Stefani" Okyle exclaimed in amazement. "Don't you watch E! ze Bucket?"
"Hardly" O replied, rolling his eyes
"Yeeeeeeek, what's that?"
"Chuckle, chuckle. You are such a freaking queen. Not what, but who, my dear OKyle. He he. This is PsyDeska?. I found her at a portal, when I fell into her realm. Don't know how she got here, but she was so cute, I just had to have her."
"PsyDeska? meet OhMyGodItsKyle our resident Casanova"
"Oh, O flattery will get you everywhere" OKyle purred with lust blooming in his eyes. "It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance Psy. Can I call you Psy?"
"Now, now OKyle. We have more pressing business to attend to. Is your car still functionable?"
"Still functionable?! Darling, It a Ferrari, if it doesn't function we just press ze button"

With that OKyle ran to the car, slid over the hood, and tumbled off the other side. In a flash he was on his feet and moments later the engine was roaring and O and Psy had to run to not be left behind.
"Hold on Misty" thought O as he collapsed into the fluffy pink seat with Psy on his lap. He was utterly exhausted from the nights events and as they almost careened off a cliff into oblivion he shut his eyes and passed out.

Monday, 15 January 2007

love, angel, bucket?

“We need to talk.” OhmygoditsKyle (OmGiK for short) was admiring his profile in the rear-view mirror of his pink polka dot Ferrari. He was doing his best at multitasking as he sped through the Misty Mountain countryside, the lights of his car struggling to cut through the ominously dark and, at times, almost impenetrable mist. He knew the bucketeers’ only chance of saving his darling princess Pandemonia would be to contact their elusive supplier Leeloo Multipass. Notoriously difficult to reach, but if you wanted something done and you wanted it done quick... as in 4 days ago, Leeloo was your man. Obviously speed meant massively illegal, but in these dire times, something as trivial as the law didn’t really matter.

“Ok, meet us at Misty’s in 30 minutes… And bring supplies!” His mobile phone snapped close as he absentmindedly dropped it on the passenger’s seat. How did they find us? How?

6 years earlier (28 February 2001 to be precise)
Warner Music’s executives sat silently around a large and a particularly shiny boardroom table. Their worried faces could be seen reflected in the mirror-like surface. Suddenly the door opened and a nervous looking man in a lab coat strutted in. “I have found a solution. We can clone her…”

Far above the gloomy chambers where Princess P was cuffed (with very kinky fluffy cuffs) to a hot pink wall, feathers mercilessly wiggled beneath her feet by the stone-faced Japanese fashionistas… a dark figure, dressed in an abnormally melodramatic Vivienne Westwood ball gown, emerged from behind the curtains… followed promptly by a curvy girl with an impressively impressive afro. The figure stopped momentarily to re-adjust her Gucci sunglasses. “Perfect! Perfect damnit! Why couldn’t they see it? Why?” she muttered barely audible. For a moment a mad glint in her eyes shone quite brightly… but just as sudden it disappeared with a sweep of her platinum blond hair.

“Gwen Stefani died in a car crash tonight… what do you mean we can clone her?” the one executive mumbled. “Surely this is not possible!”
“It is possible and the necessary calls have already been made” the man in the coat said as he sat down at the table. “I have organised that two clones will be made. Nobody will ever now that the real Gwen has been replaced.”

“Stef?” the afro girl poked the blond nemesis with a shaky finger. “Stef?” still no reaction… “Stef Gwenani! If you don’t stop remembering expositional details that explain the plot PREMATURELY and cause our readers to loose interest in this blog, I will have to hurt you! Do you hear me, Stef?” Afro girl was obviously quite agitated by now.

“I hear you” a glum Stef muttered. “No need to shout!” a set of long talon-like crimson nails traced the intricate pattern on the upholstered armrests of her exquisite throne. “I didn’t even get to the part where I am shunted by the executives for not being the perfect clone only to escape in the middle of the night and…”

“For fuck sakes, shut your fucking pie-hole! Afro girl slapped Stef 5 times. “Shut” SLAP “the” SLAP “fuck” SLAP “up” SLAP… and another SLAP simply because she was having way too much fun.

Stef swiftly rose from her seat and repaid the slaps. “You ignorant little girl! Don’t you see the bold parts in this blog entry are necessary narrative devices without which our readers will become confused and ultimately bored out of their minds? You shut the fuck up!” Afro girl looked hurt and slightly confused by the use of the words ‘narrative devices’. “So if I would be to reveal that your Zombie Nazi soldiers have set a trap for my dear idiot of a brother, OhmygoditsKyle, then it would be considered another narrative device?”

“Indeed it would… indeed my dear, sweet Ohmygodi’mFoxy*”

*O’Foxy for short.